"Dark Harvest" Trailer
After watching this movie, I gained a newfound respect for horror movie makers. How do you make a scarecrow scary? I know! Give him small plastic glowing red eyes. Genius! Also, make him look like a zombie. I mean, that's what he is in this film. A body that hangs like a scarecrow in a field who somehow magically comes to life every harvest. And has plastic glowing red eyes. Question: if you inherited a piece of land from the father you never knew, why would you bring your friends to stay if you were planning to sell it? This movie is golden comedic material. The only way to ruin is it to put a blooper reel at the end.... oh, wait. Oops. At least we know they had fun making it.
Oh, and there's a lesbian sex scene. In a lake. Yup.
Darkness Falls:
It's a horror film... about.... wait for it.... the Tooth fairy. Yes, that's right, the fucking TOOTH FAIRY. She comes to get your teeth in the dark, but if you see her (which, by the way, she is a badly animated cloaked figure who later reveals herself to be a shriveled old grandma), she kills you. I laughed at the premise of this movie before I even saw it. I laughed during the dramatic hospital scene where the little boy is forced to go to sleep (horrors- keep his entire body in the light!!). I laughed at the fact that the main character is supposed to be an expert at evading the tooth fairy, yet he relies entirely on flashlights, which run on batteries, and batteries die. Fortunately for us, this film is not at all dead, and so we should enjoy it as alive and hilarious.
The Grudge:
My question is this: Why is there a small Asian child who randomly pops up and meows throughout the movie? This entire movie seems like a ripoff of The Ring, which (if you watch it under the right circumstances) can be legitimately scary. As I watched this movie, I laughed the entire time. I mean, it's a movie about a ghost who goes around tearing off people's jaws. I'm sorry, but horror-wise, that's just not badass enough for me, especially when said ghost sounds like a smoker trying to sing. But it's worth watching just to be able to say, "Yeah, I've seen that shit, and I laughed my ass off..."
Lesbian Vampire Killers:
Unlike the others, this is actually a comedy, and a really funny one at that. Not only does it involve lesbian vampire killers, but also lesbian vampires. You see immediately at the finish of the very campy, overdone introduction that the makers of this film do not want you to take it seriously, and if you can do that much, watching it will be one of the best movie experiences ever. Plus, exploding vampires who spew white shit are always fun.
They:
When you are a child, if they mark you, they will come for you later. Why? Who the hell knows. In the meantime, we will enjoy this wonderfully witty movie about demons who drive people to commit suicide. Oh, and btw, their portal is through the refrigerator. Yes, I am aware that that happened in Ghostbusters. I think the moment I stopped taking this movie seriously is when one of the characters describes stabbing her father in the eye after waking up possessed outside in the dog house. With "a kitchen knife." Her exact words.
Brilliant.
Please, if anyone has seen these, I want to know what YOU think. Did you laugh too? Or am I just crazy?
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