Titanic Was 12 Years Ago? Really?

With the hype of James Cameron's new film, Avatar, coming out in December (of which, by the way, I still haven't figured out the plot but am more excited now that I know Sigourney Weaver is going to be in it because she kicks ass), I decided to spotlight James Cameron's next biggest commercial success,


I had to put it in bold letters because there's no other way to describe it. No other movie instills the amount of groaning and foreboding as this epic monstrosity. Don't get me wrong- I fucking love this movie. It's brilliant. But when looking at a list of movies to watch during my free time, I chuck


out the window. Don't act like you have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. This is an amazing movie, but no one in their right mind is going to watch it. It's a one time deal. A short (well, not-so-short) fling with someone who you have immense respect for but never want to talk to again. And here's why:

1) I don't care if it's now on DVD. I still associate it with having to change VHS tapes in the middle of the movie, right before the boat starts to sink. If I remember correctly, it freezes on Rose's face. That can put a serious damper on the movie watching experience (especially with such a long movie) because you have to rewind the first tape, put it away, and then put in the second one and rewind it because you were probably too tired to rewind the last time you watched


That is, if you make it to putting in the second tape. Most likely, you will have fallen asleep while the first one is rewinding because it's one in the morning already. Everytime I even contemplate watching this movie, that's the first thing that comes to mind (and it isn't like I bought the DVD when I already have the VHS). I don't care if you call me lazy. You probably think the exact same thing.

2) The acting. I can never get over having to watch fucking Billy Zane from The Phantom play a villain. I grew up watching that movie, and now every time I watch


I can't take him seriously. It's the fucking Phantom! I'm all for B-list superheroes, but come on. Also, don't tell me that this movie made Leonardo DiCaprio's career. He was already a star before this movie, and if anything, it dampened his success because people didn't take him seriously for at least another 7 or 8 years. It cemented his image as a pretty boy in the minds of eight year old girls everywhere. He's talented enough that even if he hadn't shouted "Don't let go!" he would have been just as successful.

3) Britney Spears. She has forever ruined any prestige that


once had. Remember this?

Oh yeah. The heartwarming, romantic plot of this epic movie is now a giant ploy for getting laid, thanks to Britney.

Okay, so I realize that I'm being a little harsh. Let me make this clear: I love this movie. The plot is entertaining, the special effects fucking rock my socks off, and I think it deserved its Oscars. However, I don't like watching it because of its massive success and influence everywhere you go. I'm saying this in the hopes that Avatar won't end up the same way, because it looks pretty good, despite having no clue what the plot is.


The Movie Mistress


  1. Oh Mistress, I'm fully prepared to be blown away by Avatar. James Cameron is one of my true inspirations in the movie world, and Sigourney Weaver is my favorite actress of all time, except perhaps Natalie Wood.

    The plot is about humans finding a planet with indigenous lifeforms that are all blue are purty looking. Unfortunately that planet has the resources mankind needs to survive or something of the like (sound familiar in humanities history?) and when the beings don't want to give it up, a war begins and human technology allows humans to use their creatures as essentially Avatars. I don't know the specifics on the technlogical explanations, I'm sure Cameron will make sense. He's a genius. I'm a Sci-Fi junkie so forgive me.


    P.S. I loved Titanic, and it saddens me that it's gotten such negative talk over the years. It still holds up as such a good and prevalent movie. My hubby finally agreed to watch it a few years ago, and even he got choked up, and not just by the love story. :)

  2. I know what you mean. I mean, how can you not love the man that created Dark Angel and Alien? He is a fucking genius. However, Titanic, despite its epic-ness, has been sliced and chopped up and spewed out at us to the point that I never ever want to see anyone shout "I'm king of the world!" ever again. And that's sad, but so true.

    Oh, and thanks for the plot info! I am more jazzed now that the promo I've watched fifty billion times actually makes a bit of sense (it's kind of silly to make a sci-fi trailer that doesn't actually narrate anything).

    Speaking of overdoing Titanic, have you seen this? Because if not you should:


  3. Hahahahahahahaha! Thanks for that! People have so much time on their hands.