Golden Globes Cheat Sheet

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So... Can I just say that I am so fucking happy that Avatar won Best Motion Picture? I saw it twice (once in a regular theatre and then again in 3-D) and I have to say that I think it deserved recognition. James Cameron's little sci-fi that could went far, and no matter the mixed reviews, you have to admit that it's pretty fucking awesome. No one really expected it to reach the mass appeal that it did, and yet the box office sales are close to passing Titanic. Anyway, if you missed the awards, the Movie Mistress is here to point out the night's highlights so that you can have even more savvy knowledge of popular culture over your peers. So, without further ado, The Golden Globe goes to...


1.) Mo'Nique- Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture


Well deserved, and the first award to start off the evening. It was actually legitimately exciting to watch her win because you could tell she genuinely cared and was totally grateful. Plus, Precious is a fantastic movie. 


2.) John Lithgow- Best Supporting Actor in a Television Show 


If you haven't ever seen Dexter, John Lithgow is a creepy mother fucker. He completely sold us on the role of the Trinity Killer and props to him for winning. 


3.) Chloe Sevigny- Best Supporting Actress in a TV Show 


I watch Big Love regularly, and last season, Chloe Sevigny totally stepped up to the plate in terms of character. Hers is one of the most interesting and complex characters I've seen on television in a while, and I was so happy that she won. 


4.) Glee- Best Television Show (Comedy or Musical)


Doesn't it just make you want to start singing? 


5.) Christoph Waltz- Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture 


Best villain ever. Haven't seen Inglorious Basterds? Well, all I can say is, that is NOT a BINGO. 


...Aaand, of course, there's Meryl Streep competing against herself... and winning. I was really glad she won for Julie and Julia, since she was the best part of that movie and pretty much made my viewing experience worthwhile. 


Oh, and Ricky Gervais. I don't think there has been a host who has overused the self promotion card the amount of times that he did at the Globes. The weird thing was that it just got funnier each time, most likely because he had already set the precedent of not being PC at all so it didn't end up looking pathetic. The best moment was when he nearly lost it and actually professed that he most likely would not be asked back. Which is probably true, since I don't think Americans are as open as the British in terms of telling penis jokes on public television without masking them with clever jargon. Anyway, he had everyone in the room in stitches, and was definitely something to watch. 


Now, I wouldn't be the Movie Mistress if I didn't also discuss the Low Points of this year's awards, or, as you can cleverly say to all your friends and coworkers, the What The Fuck Was That Garbage About?!? Awards. First Up...


1.) The Hangover- Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical


I'm sorry, but as much as I enjoyed this movie... no. It isn't deserving of a Golden Globe. It's entertaining, but it's a ridiculous frat boy comedy with cheap laughs. Give it to It's Complicated or something more original.


2.) Up- Best Animated Motion Picture


I knew this was going to win, but I was still sad when I compared it to what it was up against. Well, ok, maybe not The Princess and the Frog, but The Fantastic Mr. Fox? Coraline? Waaay better than Up. I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this one, but I'm pretty particular on my animation preferences. 


3.) Sandra Bullock- Best Actress in a Motion Picture (for The Blind Side)


Should have gone to Gabourney Sidibe for Precious. Not even going to go any further in explanation. 


So there you go. Now you can be on top of all the post Awards gossip. Unfortunately, for all us movie buffs, however, Hollywood never sleeps. On to the Oscars!


Peace,


The Movie Mistress

Legion

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So... I've heard a lot of hype about this movie. Like, a ton. Two of my favorite magazines have featured interviews with Paul Bettany, and I keep seeing mini trailers in the movie theatres- you know the type, the ones that flash a bunch of clips but don't actually tell you what the fuck the movie is about so you're just confused. From those, it looked kind of exciting. So I decided I would look up the actual trailer on the internet. Being a generally R-rated person, I watched the R-rated trailer, and this is what I saw:





Am I the only one that thinks this just looks fucking stupid? Seriously. It's the fucking apocalypse! There's so much you can do with that! An endless row of fucking brilliant possibilities, and they have to highlight a badly CGI'd old woman on the ceiling and a not-at-all scary ice cream truck freak reminiscent of Amy Adams ala Smallville.

Look familiar?

I've decided to make a list to organize all my thoughts about my very disappointing viewing experience.


What Not to Do When Making A Trailer:
1) Make it fucking FIVE MINUTES LONG
2) Include all the dialogue scenes when it's an action movie
3) Show us every special effect so that we know exactly what we're going to watch, and
4) Don't say what the movie is about until a minute into the trailer. The point of a trailer is to get your attention, not lose it within the first ten seconds.


It makes me sad to see trailers like this because here you have an exciting story and potential (I mean, what's better than the Biblical Apocalypse?) ruined by shitty planning. Who the fuck thought that a demonic ice cream man would be cool? I mean, I get that it's hard to make CGI look realistic. If that's the case, just don't animate! Good old fashioned make-up and costuming works just as well, if not better. Can you imagine the faun from Pan's Labyrinth being animated? I thought so. And is the old woman supposed to be funny? Because I fucking laughed my ass off when she climbed up the wall. It didn't seem like a time when you're supposed to laugh, and all I could think was, "this is fucking stupid." 


Am I alone in thinking the creators of this highly anticipated movie could have done better? You know something's bad when it isn't even out yet and you're already debating whether to rent or not. Which, I think I will. Because it doesn't seem worth it to me to see in the theatres. I will see it to try and prove myself wrong. But I can wait a while to do so. 


Peace!


The Movie Mistress

The Top Ten Biopics

With Amelia, Coco Before Chanel and Bright Star surfacing this year after we've just put away I'm Not There and Public Enemies, the Movie Mistress has decided to make a tribute to Biographical Pictures, or, as we in the era of shortening everything like to call them, biopics. Because there's nothing more exciting than watching an actor reinterpret someone else's life to make them more human. I apologize that I didn’t really include any earlier biopics, like The Three Faces of Eve (one of my favorites) or Amadeus, but there are so fucking many that the ones I picked are just my favorites, even though I might have more favorites not on the list (and I mean A LOT more). So before you turn to HBO and watch Claire Danes as Temple Grandin, think back to these ten in no particular order:

1. La Vie En Rose (2007)

One of my favorites. I have never seen an actor capture someone's life in a biopic better than Marion Cottiard did with Edith Piaf. It astounded me when I found out that all of her singing was dubbed by recordings of Piaf herself! She embodies the character so well that you can't tell she's faking. That is talent. I also love the jumping around, even though it took me about three times of watching to figure out what parts of her life go where. But isn't that how we remember things anyway? I'd think that if I was dying, I would not remember my entire life in order, and I would save the worst memories for last. 

2. Child Star: The Shirley Temple Story (2001)

Okay, so I know this was an ABC made-for-TV movie, but if you've ever seen it, the little six year old that plays Shirley Temple is so close to the actual actress it's creepy. Shirley Temple Black had to make the final approval of who would play herself in the movie, and it definitely paid off. This movie is super realistic for a movie musical, highlighting both the fact that Black never really made a comeback and also the loneliness that came along with being a child star. I honestly have seen this movie a bunch of times and it never gets old. Seriously.

3. Mommie Dearest (1981)

This movie may have been called campy, overdone, and ridiculous, but it holds a pretty special place in my heart in terms of biopics. I am in awe of the child actor who played Joan Crawford's daughter. That kind of acting in a film has got to cause some psychological problems later on, however small. Watching her take being screamed at in the bathroom was almost as bad as Mo'Nique shoving her granddaughter off of her lap in Precious. I am a pretty big John Waters fan, and in my book, this one is one of his best. It paints a realistic picture of abuse before Child Services, and demonstrates the way that parental control pretty much stays with you for your entire life whether you want it to leave or not. 

4. Walk the Line (2005)

I didn't know anything about Johnny Cash before I watched this film, and now because of I've found out that he led a pretty remarkable life, both as a musician and a civilian. I know the movie mainly just focused on his issues with cocaine, but I kind of wish that it had spanned his entire life, or at least started at the end and flashed back to the beginning. I only say this because he kept playing and writing music for his entire life, and to say that he had a “heyday” isn’t entirely true. Example: It would have been interesting to watch him cover "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails and then flash back from there. Nevertheless, the acting was wonderful, and the soundtrack was great for a biopic about rock and roll.

5. Catch Me If You Can (2002)

Color! Con-artists! di Caprio! The 1960s have never looked better. This star-studded (I mean, Tom Hanks, Leonardo di Caprio, Amy Adams, AND Christopher Walken?!? Granted, it was AA before she became famous) cast directed by Steven Spielberg is the closest to perfect a biopic can be (and I’m pretty harsh on films normally). It focuses on Tom Hank’s obsession so well that rather than have the movie be about Frank Abagnale or Carl Hanratty, it starts to be about the thrill of the chase, which is way more interesting. And yet you still find out more than you ever wanted to know about our main characters! I am in fucking awe.

6. Velvet Goldmine (1998)

Okay, so it never says specifically that this is David Bowie and Iggy Pop, but… it’s totally David Bowie and Iggy Pop. I’m counting this as a biopic. I’m a huge fan of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, and this movie is no exception. He and Ewan McGregor make a great pair, and the two of them combined with sexuality, drugs, and awesome musical numbers make this a sweet ride. I love the video designed after "Satellite of Love."

7. Julie and Julia (2009)

This isn’t a biopic, per say, but Meryl Streep as Julia Child can’t be ignored. I enjoyed her scenes waaay more than Amy Adams’ cooking woes. If I get anything out of this movie, it’s that Julia Child was a badass. Who knew that cooking used to be a man’s profession? Or that there was no way for American women to easily cook French recipes (well, looking at the French, that’s totally believable)? I loved watching her struggle her way to the top, and, when Julie Powell says in the movie, “Julia Child hates me!” My immediate response was, “Good.”

8. Milk (2008)

“I know you’re angry! I’m angry.” There is no line more powerful in a biopic. Even though you know exactly what is going to happen at the end of the movie (One, because this person existed, and two, they told you during the opening credits), this movie is riveting nonetheless. My one gripe about it is that James Franco was totally robbed of Best Supporting. I know people think his part was pretty forgettable, but to me, watching him cry was totally worth it.

9.  A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Classic biopic, starting with a strange 17-year-old Russell Crowe (because, really, nothing important happens before you go to college), and ending with a seventy-something Russell Crowe, this movie manages to tell a simple story of one man’s life with plot twists, suspense, and excitement. Who would have thought that the life of a bat-shit crazy mathmatician could be this interesting? Really! And I absolutely adore Jennifer Connelly as his wife. Their relationship is loving, yet maintains a strained realism that is apparent through every stage of their marriage. It’s hard to say exactly what the movie is about without giving away the twist (although, by now I think most people already know), so I’ll just end with “it’s a really fucking good biopic.”

10. The Aviator (2004)

I’m not sure if it was this movie or Catch Me If You Can that got Leonardo di Caprio out of the Titanic slump, but either way, this was the first movie I saw him in as a real actor. I know that sounds terrible, but you know it’s true. In Romeo + Juliet, he was “that kid from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” and in for a while after Titanic, you couldn't look at a picture of him without getting Celine Dion blasting in your head. But in the Aviator, he was Howard Hughes. I mean, how the fuck can you forget him bashing his head over and over against the mirror with jars of piss lined up all over the place? This is not cute little Jack Dawson. Admit it- how many people saw this movie and then looked up everything else he had done? I know I did. The Basketball Diaries probably got a surge of requests at Blockbuster back in 2004 (too bad it didn’t help and they’re still obsolete). Which reminds me that there’s yet another biopic that didn’t make it onto the list.

Fuck.

Peace!

The Movie Mistress