So... I've heard a lot of hype about this movie. Like, a ton. Two of my favorite magazines have featured interviews with Paul Bettany, and I keep seeing mini trailers in the movie theatres- you know the type, the ones that flash a bunch of clips but don't actually tell you what the fuck the movie is about so you're just confused. From those, it looked kind of exciting. So I decided I would look up the actual trailer on the internet. Being a generally R-rated person, I watched the R-rated trailer, and this is what I saw:

Am I the only one that thinks this just looks fucking stupid? Seriously. It's the fucking apocalypse! There's so much you can do with that! An endless row of fucking brilliant possibilities, and they have to highlight a badly CGI'd old woman on the ceiling and a not-at-all scary ice cream truck freak reminiscent of Amy Adams ala Smallville.

Look familiar?

I've decided to make a list to organize all my thoughts about my very disappointing viewing experience.

What Not to Do When Making A Trailer:
1) Make it fucking FIVE MINUTES LONG
2) Include all the dialogue scenes when it's an action movie
3) Show us every special effect so that we know exactly what we're going to watch, and
4) Don't say what the movie is about until a minute into the trailer. The point of a trailer is to get your attention, not lose it within the first ten seconds.

It makes me sad to see trailers like this because here you have an exciting story and potential (I mean, what's better than the Biblical Apocalypse?) ruined by shitty planning. Who the fuck thought that a demonic ice cream man would be cool? I mean, I get that it's hard to make CGI look realistic. If that's the case, just don't animate! Good old fashioned make-up and costuming works just as well, if not better. Can you imagine the faun from Pan's Labyrinth being animated? I thought so. And is the old woman supposed to be funny? Because I fucking laughed my ass off when she climbed up the wall. It didn't seem like a time when you're supposed to laugh, and all I could think was, "this is fucking stupid." 

Am I alone in thinking the creators of this highly anticipated movie could have done better? You know something's bad when it isn't even out yet and you're already debating whether to rent or not. Which, I think I will. Because it doesn't seem worth it to me to see in the theatres. I will see it to try and prove myself wrong. But I can wait a while to do so. 


The Movie Mistress

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