When B-List Movies Capitalize

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Apparently, Troll 2 is not the one banking off its sly marketing schemes. I found this at totally looks like:



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I mean, really? It's like battle of the A-lists and the B-lists (Jeff Goldblum, don't even try to pretend you belong in the first category. It won't work) to see whose movie sells better. Even though they most likely have the exact same plot. Hell, they probably both even reused the same generic crime scene sets.


Hmm... maybe I'll make a poll. Which one would YOU go see? Because for me, personally, I'd go see Jeff Goldblum. I mean, if I'm going to see a shitty detective movie, I might as well go all the way and not even bother with decent acting. At least that way, I'm not stuck feeling bad for the actors who had to whore themselves out and not get anything out of it. But I'd like to hear people's thoughts on this (if there are any).


Peace!


The Movie Mistress

Anjelina, You Can't Have it All

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So, I saw this trailer today.





And the one thing that went through my head was, Anjelina Jolie looks really fucking old. But I googled her right afterward, and she's only thirty-five! So then I watched the trailer again. And there was that thought again. Has she been botoxing lately or something? There's just something about her and this movie that don't mesh. I'm not sure why, but she just looks silly. It's like she is trying to recreate Lara Croft ten years later. I mean, this movie looks awesome, but just watching the trailer makes me tired. How am I going to feel with two hours of run-down Anjelina? Fuck.


You can't do it all, Anjie. It's ok to focus your energy on orphaned African children and play more quiet roles like A Mighty Heart. No one will knock you. But I'm telling you, something here just didn't click with me. And I generally respect Anjelina Jolie as an actress. I'm not saying this out of spite or because I think she is better at community service. I'm saying that sometimes, if you're doing too much, it shows. Slow down, Anjie! You don't need to play the action star now even if in the past you were badass and awesome. It's ok- people will still love you. 


Am I the only one whose seeing this when watching the trailer? 


Peace,


The Movie Mistress

Double Feature Friday- Born On this Day...

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So, there are quite a few birthdays on November 6 in the movie industry. Happy birthday to Mike Nichols, Sally Field, Ethan Hawke, Thandie Newton, and Rebecca Romijn! Because, however, this is a double feature, and not a quintuple feature, I can only highlight two (or choose to only highlight two for the sake of continuity). To mix things up, let's do a director and an actor. Ethan Hawke's a tool, so he's out. I love Sally Field, but she's better known for her TV work. That leaves Thandie and Rebecca. Because this isn't a democracy, I'm picking Thandie Newton because she's a badass. So happy birthday Mike and Thandie! Here we go:

Postcards from the Edge (1990) 
Directed by Mike Nichols 


The first time I saw this movie, I was way too young. Like, seriously. I watched it and was like "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED." Dennis Quaid as a dick? Meryl Streep on drugs? Toss in Shirley MacLaine as an overwhelming mother, and you've got one confused twelve year old who never wants to see another Mike Nichols movie ever again. I got it as a gift a few years later, however, and after cringing, I gave it another try, and I have to say that I'm glad I did because this movie is fucking brilliant. There's nothing like a good satire on Hollywood, and while nothing can really top Sunset Boulevard, this movie comes pretty damn close. I'm a big fan of super dark humor, and while I am a little sketched out by resolved endings in movies such as this one, I let it go because it was just that good. Plus, I doubt Carrie Fisher would have made her own life story a happy ending if it hadn't actually been that way (by the way, if you ever get the chance to read any of her books, DO IT. She's awesome.), so I give her some credit. If you're ever in the mood to get an accurate depiction/ satire of life in Hollywood, go rent this movie. It has tons of memorable moments (such as Shirley MacLaine claiming to not have sung in years and then whipping out a full Broadway piece) and will make you laugh in an awkward way.

Run, Fat Boy, Run (2007)
Starring Simon Pegg, Thandie Newton, Hank Azaria


So I know this isn't the best creation of Simon Pegg, but I still found it immensely hilarious, and I really wish that Pegg and Michael Ian Black would come together and create more love children in the form of comedies. It doesn't help that I also fucking love Hank Azaria, and, because she's in the spotlight, Thandie Newton (hers was one of the only characters I actually liked in Crash, but I'll riff on that movie another day). She provided an accurate picture of a woman that you would want to win back (remember Role Models and wondering why the fuck Paul Rudd is wasting his time with that bitch? But I digress). Not only was she adorable, but it was so fucking believable that she could be strong and awesome and yet still fall for a douchebag at the same time. Plus you'd have to not have a heart to not love the relationship between herself and her son. If you didn't find her believable as a mom, get out of my house. Anyway, this movie may have been over the top, silly, and completely outrageous, but who doesn't laugh in the face of Erectile Dysfunction Disorder? 


So there you have it. If these people had not been born, these movies might have not existed or been completely different. That's right- the Movie Mistress just gave you a deep psychological thought. You can fill in your Smart Quota for today. 


Peace!


The Movie Mistress


For more birthdays, click here.