Double Feature Friday- The Shittiest Holiday Movies

So... it's that time of year. We are right in the middle of the holiday season. I read several movie blogs, and it seems to be the time to highlight all your favorite movies that you loved watching in December as a child. I think everyone seems to forget, however, that there are a lot of terrible movies about the holidays. I'm talking absolutely horrendous, "why-the-fuck-were-these-ever-made" movies. I'm sure that I'll jump on the bandwagon one of these days and celebrate movies like Love Actually and It's A Wonderful Life, but for now, I say, let's get fucked up on egg nog and enjoy...

Santa Who? (2000)

I don't know if anyone remembers this movie, but I'm pretty sure ABC aired it once and never made that mistake ever again. It's about Santa... with amnesia.... Yes, I'm being serious. The tagline? 

All he wants for Christmas is his memory back. 

The plot? Santa falls out of his sleigh driven by terribly animated, CGI reindeer and hits his head so he can't remember who he is and a special little boy has to save him. Now, I fucking love Leslie Nielsen. Airplane is the shit. But in this movie he just seems so washed up that you begin to pity him. It's as if he's no longer capable of being in a legit movie so he's forced to do shit like this to keep his name around. It's really sad. But back to the movie. Anyway, only a little boy can save him, blah, blah, until the elves come to actually help. HIP HOP ELVES. Oh, yes. I'm not going to give away the ending of this movie since I'm sure you're all just DYING to know what happens, but I can tell you that it would make a fantastic drinking game, and that's all that matters. 

Deck the Halls (2006)

My question is for this movie is, how the fuck could Danny DeVito produce such attractive children? And just because he and Kristen Chenoweth are both short does not mean that they would be married in real life. This entire movie is just a case of classy vs. tacky, and for some God-awful reason, tacky seems to win throughout most of it. Anyway, now that I've said that bit, let's move on to the plot of this movie, which is basically about neighbors outdoing each other with decorations until they discover the true meaning of Christmas. That's really all you need to know about this film. Really. It's sad when the plot of a movie can be summed up in half of a sentence. Mainly, it's about cheap laughs through crazy escapades. Except that they actually aren't that funny. I think that Matthew Broderick has done so much theatre that he's forgotten how to act in films. Seriously- the lines are so flat that when he talks about his concern for his children being weird, I actually can see why- I'd go crazy living with him too. And it only took five minutes for the creepy, misogynistic relationship between Danny DeVito and Kristen Chenoweth to get to me. Not to mention their twins that speak in unison. Other than that, the plot of this movie is pretty forgettable. I'm not going to bore you with any more details. Just watch it. Or don't. It's your call. 


The Movie Mistress

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